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Friday, May 28, 2010

In Memory of My Beloved Aunt.

Some of the most unforgettable days of our lives are the days when you really get to realize how much somebody mean to you only to know that they are not there for you anymore. This day is the day in your life you’ll never forget. We only truly value things and people when they are no more around because then we realize the vacuum that is left behind by that person are so unfillable. Things just don’t fit in then, it is then like the zig saw puzzle piece that you have lost forever, your life always remains incomplete no matter what ever you try to fill in that gap for there is only one such piece of puzzle in this entire world and you have just lost that one forever. And we are ready to do anything to bring that piece back if there was any such chance, even a chance of 10 to the power billions of a fraction you would still risk to take the chance to bring that person back.

One such moment was today in my life 29th May I lost too someone who was dearest to me though I never got the chance to articulate all the love I ever had for her. I had piled up words for her and made promises to myself within this innocent heart to always take care of things that I was entrusted though not officially. Today was the day I lost one of my beloved aunt and rather a mother……I cannot forget that day, it still clouds my heart when I remember of the atmosphere of the house in that small village in Kalimpong.

That was the day I made a promised not to let go things just for the mistakes me make, for mistakes can be corrected and habits adapted, but people lost cannot be brought back. On that day I truly understood what life is and how it hurts when we are left lonely. What hurts more is not the pain of the departure of that person but the pain of realization that they are gone forever never to be seen again…

As I sat in an old chair of that cold night in May 29 in that grief stricken house I started to miss the times I use to talk with her in the phone though not too often, even if it was just a, "hello and how are you?". I just cannot imagine how her families would ever have felt, the cries and the pain still echoes in my ears and it still gives me that pinch of unbearable pain. I remember the talking I did to my uncle days after the funeral outside the church and even now I can still remember the pain that was in his voice never to be healed again. For who can replace her in his life?..........……the vacuum is created forever!!!

Only Jesus can fill that vacuum, for only He has experienced what that worst of we have ever experienced. He knows what it means to be betrayed for few silver coins after all the love He gave, He knows how it feels to be denied three times the same night after loving the same guy for years, He knows what it means to be lonely, heart broken and forsaken, for that is how He exactly went to the cross of Calvary for us,for our sins for the love He had for us..........

Life surely is like a wild flower as Bible says; we bloom for a while and just fade away. I do have whys? of life to God about her death as I sit here today writing in memory of her but I can never question Him because I must remember that I am also only one of those wild flowers waiting for my turn to wither, He is the giver and taker we have no right to question Him, instead just thank Him that I have lived to see another day.

(In memory of my beloved aunt who probably is reading these lines for whom I could not do anything despite all the promises I made....)
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